~~~~~

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU

Kat: "You're very self-assured, has anyone told you that?"

Patrick: "I tell myself that every day."

Back to the Future

Marty: "Wait, Doc; you mean to tell me that you built a time machine out of a Delorian?"

Doc: "If you're going to make a time machine out of a car, why not do it with some style?"

Marty: "This is heavy."

BRAVEHEART

William Wallace: "Every man dies, not every man really lives."

Stephen: "To find his equal an Irishman is forced to talk to God."

Hamish: "Where're you goin?"

William: "I'm goin' to pick a fight."

William: "FREEDOM!"

William: "Aye, fight and you may die. Run and you'll live. At least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, will you be willing to trade all the days from that day to this for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!"

Uncle (Argyle) Wallace: "They're saying goodbye in their own way, playing outlawed tunes on outlawed pipes."

Steven: "I didn't like him.  He wasn't right in the head."

Little William: "I can fight!"

Malcolm Wallace: "I know.  I know you can fight.  But it's our wits that makes us men."

CHICKEN RUN

Babs:

"I saw me life flash before me eyes!  It was real boring."

"I don't want to be a pie!  I don't like gravy."

DUDLEY DO-RIGHT

Dudley:

"But if I become the bad guy then I'd be 'Dudley Do-Wrong!'"

"That's not black, Snidely.  It's navy blue!"

EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS

Kim: "Hold me."

Edward: "I can't."

EMPIRE OF THE SUN

Jim: "Hey, kid.  You want a candy bar?"

Little girl: "Yes, please!"

Jim: "So do I.  You got one?"

FINDING NEMO

Dory: (about a jellyfish) "I will call him squishy, and he will be mine, and he will be my squishy."

Nigel: "Get into my mouth if you want to live."

Seagulls: "Mine?"

Crush: "You got serious thrill issues dude.  Awesome."

FIRST KNIGHT

King Arthur: "I take the good with the bad.  I can't love people in slices."

FORREST GUMP

Forrest: "Y'know, Mama says that miracles happen every day.  Some people think they don't but they do."

Mrs. Gump: "Don't let anyone tell you they're better than you, Forrest.  If God had wanted us to be the same, he'd've given us all braces on our legs."

GLADIATOR

Maximus: "I knew a man who once said 'Death smiles at us all.  All a man can do is smile back.'"

"Strength and honor."

"We who are about to die, salute you!"

Commodus:

" 'Maximus, Maximus, Maximus.'  They call for you.  The general who became a slave, a slave who became a gladiator, a gladiator who defied an emperor."

"I'm very vexed."

INDIANA JONES AND THE LAST CRUSADE

Sallah: That was my brother-in-law's car!

...later...

Indy: Sallah!  I said no camels!

Sallah: Compensation for my brother-in-law's car!

JURASSIC PARK

Malcolm: "God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs.  God makes man, man destroys God.  Man creates dinosaurs."

Ellie: Dinosaurs eat man.  Woman inherits the earth.

John Hammond: "This is just a delay.  That's all it is.  All major theme parks have delays.  When they opened Disney Land in 1956, nothing worked!"

Malcolm: "Yeah, but John, when The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down the pirates don't eat the tourists!"

Malcolm:

"God help us.  We're in the hands of engineers."

"What do they got in there, King Kong?"

Arnold: "Hold onto your butts."

THE LORD OF THE RINGS, THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING

Pippin: "What's that?"

Merry: "This, my friends, is a pint."

Pippin: "It comes in pints?  I'm gettin' one!"

Galadriel: "Even the smallest person can change the course of the future."

Gandalf: "A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins.  Nor is he early.  He arrives precisely when he means to."

Frodo: "I wish the ring had never come to me.  I wish none of this would have happened."

Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide.  All you have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to you."

Aragorn: "You swore that you would bind yourself to me, forsaking the immortal life of your people."

Arwen: "I would rather share one lifetime with you, than face all the ages of this world alone."

Haldir: "A dwarf breathes so loud we could have shot him in the dark."

Aragorn: "Let's hunt some ork."

Sam: "I heard raised voices."

Gandalf: "Well, what did you hear?  Speak!"

Sam: "Nothing important!  Only, I heard a great deal about a ring, and a dark lord, and something about the end of the world!"

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH THE EXTENDED VERSION...

Gaffer Gamgee: "Young Master Frodo is cracking too."

Frodo: "And proud of it!"

THE LORD OF THE RINGS, THE TWO TOWERS

Faramir: "Who are you, his bodyguard?"

Sam: "His gardener."

Frodo: "The ring will not save Gondor.  It has only the power to destroy."

Gimli: "What's happening out there?"

Legolas: "Shall I describe it to you?  Or shall I try to find you a box?"

Gollum (in the Dead Marshes): "Don't follow the lights...Careful now, or hobbits go down to join the dead ones and light little candles of their own."

AND FOR THOSE OF YOU WITH THE EXTENDED VERSION...

Merry: You just said something...tree-ish!

Pippin: No I didn't, I was just stretching. *makes a tree-ish noise*

Merry: You're taller!

Pippin: Who?

Merry: You!

Pippin: Than who?

Merry: Me!

Pippin: I've always been taller than you!

Merry: Pippin, everyone knows I'm the tall one; you're the short one!

Pippin: Merry.  How tall are you?  3 foot 6?  Me, I'm pushing 3'7. *grows a bit* 3'8!

THE LORD OF THE RINGS, THE RETURN OF THE KING

Aragorn: (to the hobbits) My friends, you bow to no one.

Gimli: Where do you think you're going?

Aragorn: I do not ask you to come with me.

Legolas: Do you know nothing of the stubbornness of dwarves?

Gimli: Better face it; we're going with you, laddie.

Gimli: Well, this is unheard of!  An elf will go underground when a dwarf dare not?  I'd never hear the end of it!

Frodo: I'm glad to be with you Sam, at the end of all things.

Frodo: How do you pick up the threads of an old life?  How do you go on when in your heart you begin to understand; there is no going back.

Witch-King: Fool... No man can kill me.

Eowyn: *removing her helmet* I am no man!

Bilbo: Frodo, any chance of seeing that old ring of mine again? The one I gave you...

Frodo: *pauses to think* Sorry, uncle... I'm afraid I lost it.

THE MAN IN THE IRON MASK

Aramis: "Our uniforms from our days of glory.  I saved these so that we could wear them in death.  And so we shall!"

King Louis XVI: "...Paris is the most beautiful city in the world.  My people should feel nothing but pride and contentment."

Consultant: "Well, sire, I'm sure they are content, and proud.  But they are also starving."

THE MATRIX

"There is no spoon."

Morpheus: "You take the blue pill; you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.  You take the red pill; you stay in Wonderland, and I show you just how deep the rabbit hole goes."

The Oracle: "Don't worry about the vase."

Neo: "What vase?" *turns around and knocks a vase off a table that crashes to the floor*

The Oracle: "That vase."

Neo: "I'm sorry!"

The Oracle: "I said don't worry about it.  I'll get one of my kids to fix it."

Neo: "How did you know?"

The Oracle: "Oh, the question that's really gonna bake your noodle later is: would you have broken it if I hadn't said anything?"

The Oracle: "I can see why she likes you."

Neo: "Who?"

The Oracle: "Not too bright, though."

MEN IN BLACK

Jay:

"Do you see this?  'NYPD'  That means I'm gonna kNock Your Punk-a** Down."

(To Kay about his new suit.) "You know the difference between you and me?  I make this look good."

MISS CONGENIALITY

Victor: "See?  Glide!  It's all in the buttocks.  Don't I look pretty?"

Grace: "It takes a very secure man to walk like that."

Grace: 

"Hey!  I'm gliding here!"

"I'm in a dress, I've got gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I'm armed: don't mess with me."

MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL

Three various knights: "Camelot!"

"Camelot!"

"Camelot!"

Patsy: "It's only a model."

Head Knight of Ni: "We are the knights who say...NI!"

Dennis:

"You can't be king just because a watery tart throws a sword at you!"

"Help!  Help!  I'm being repressed!

King Arthur: "Victory is mine!"

Black Knight: "No it's not."

King Arthur: "Your arm's off!"

Black Knight: "It's just a flesh wound."

...later...

King Arthur: "What are you going to do, bleed on me?"

MOULIN ROUGE

The Narcoleptic Argentinean: "Never fall in love with a woman who sells herself.  It always turns out BAD!

Christian: "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

THE MUMMY

Evelyn: "It's just a book.  No harm ever came from reading a book."

Jail warden: "He said he was just looking for a good time."

...later...

Evelyn: "Where are you taking him?"

Jail warden: "He will be hung.  Apparently, he had a very good time."

Beni: "Hey, O'Connell!  Looks to me like we have all the hor-ses!"

Rick: "Hey, Benny!  Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the ri-ver!"

Evelyn: "I've never seen a mummy quite like this before.  He's been dead for over a thousand years and it looks like he's still..."

Rick and Jonathan: "Juicy."

~

SEE THE PUPPET SHOW

THE MUMMY RETURNS

Rick: (to Evelyn) "Honey, what are you doing?  These guys don't use doors."

Rick: (to Ardeth Bay) "You: lighten up," (to Alex) "you: big trouble," (to Jonathan) "you: get in the car."

Jonathan: "Ah yes; the old 'take over the world' ploy."

Jonathan: "Would you look at this?  Shrunken heads.  I'd love to know how they do that."

Evelyn: "It's just a chest.  No harm ever came from opening a chest."

Rick: "No harm ever came from reading a book, remember?"

Rick: "Oh, I hate mummies."

~

SEE THE PUPPET SHOW

MY BIG, FAT, GREEK WEDDING

Maria:

"Oh, you think you're smarter than me? I run the restaurant, I clean, I wash for you, I raised three kids, and I teach Sunday school. You know? I'm lucky I have you to tie my shoes!"

"Listen to me. The man may be the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants."

MYSTERY MEN

The Blue Rajah: "If you're going to be easting cake you should use a fork!"

The Shoveler: "And while you're at it, why don't you shovel it in?!"

Mr. Furious: "People who don't chew with their mouths closed make me furious!"

The Sphinx: "You will be like the eagle's claws; swooping down and attacking the enemy.  And we will be like the eagle's eye; always on a constant look for danger.  Are we ready?  Then let Operation 'Three-Eyed, Four-Legged Eagle' begin!"

THE NEWSIES

Spot: "Never fear, Brooklyn is here!"

NICHOLAS NICKLEBY

"In every life, no matter how full or empty his purse, there is tragedy.  It's the one promise life always fulfills.  Thus, happiness is a gift, and the trick is not to expect it, but to delight in it when it comes, and to add to other people's store of it."

Nicholas: "We have fallen on strange times."

Smike: "Yes, but wondrous strange."

Nicholas: "You see, I cannot save you, for I need saving too."

Mrs. Crummels: "My dear, it is of the utmost that I speak to you of a great struggle which is taking place outside this mortal temple we call the theatre.  The contestants are those mortal competitors: art and commerce, and it would appear from the receipts that art is in its usual position of jeopardy."

THE ODD COUPLE 2

Oscar: "Felix!  It's not a toupee anymore, now it's a nest!"

THE PATRIOT

Ben Martin: "I was afraid that my sins would come back to haunt me, and the cost is more than I can bear."

Ben Martin: "May I join you?"

Charlotte: "It's a free country.  Or at least it will be."

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN

Jack Sparrow: (to Will) "If you were waiting for the opportune moment, that was it."

Will Turner: "Were going to steal a ship. That ship?"

Jack: "'Commandeer.' Were going to 'commandeer' that ship. Nautical term. One question about your business boy, or there's no use going. This girl, how far are you willing to go to save her?"

Will: "Id die for her."

Barbossa: "I must admit, Jack , I thought I had ye figured. It turns out that youre a hard man to predict."

Jack: "What are you doing? You burned all the food, the shade, the rum!"

Elizabeth: "Yes, the rum is gone."

Jack: "Why is the rum gone?"

Elizabeth: "One, because it is a vile drink that turns even the most respectable men into complete scoundrels. Two, that signal is over a thousand feet high. The entire Royal Navy is out looking for me, do you really think that there is even the slightest chance that they wont see it?"

Jack: "But why is the rum gone?"

Will: "This is either madness or brilliance."

THE PRINCESS BRIDE

Miracle Max: "Turns out, your friend here is only mostly dead.  If he's mostly dead, that means he's slightly alive.  If he's all dead there's only one thing to do...go through his clothes and look for loose change."

Westley: Aha!  Your pig fiancé is too late!  By the time they reach the valley, we'll be deep inside the Fire Swamp."

Buttercup: "We'll never survive!"

Westley: "Nonsense!  You're only saying that because no one ever has!"

Inigo:  "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.  You killed my father.  Prepare to die."

Vezzini: "Ha ha, you fool!  You fell for one of the classic blunders!  The first is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less known is this; never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!"

Inigo: "You seem a decent fellow.  I hate to kill you."

The Man in Black: "You seem a decent fellow.  I hate to die."

The Boy: "Is this a kissing book?"

Prince Hampering: "Iocane; I'd bet my life on it."

Inigo: "Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?"

Fezzik: "If there are, we'll all be dead."

Vezzini: "No rhymes, all right, I mean it!"

Fezzik: "Anybody want a peanut?"

Inigo: "Are you sure nobody's following us?"

Vezzini: "Like I said, it would be totally, completely, and in all other ways, inconceivable!  No one in Guilder knows what we've done, and no one in Florin could have gotten here this fast. *pause* Out of curiosity, why do you ask?"

Inigo: "No reason.  I just happened to look back and something is there."

Vezzini: "What?" *he looks* Probably just a local fisherman out for a pleasure cruise at night...through eel-infested waters."

ROBIN HOOD, PRINCE OF THIEVES

Azeem: "I once heard a wise man say; there are no perfect men in this world.  Only perfect intentions."

Will Scarlet: *sings* "There once was a man from Nottingham who tried to cross a ri-ver.  What a dope, he tripped on a rope!  Now look at him shi-ver!"

Duncan: "He fancies you, my lady.  I am blind, but some things I can still see."

Sheriff of Nottingham: "Locksley!  I'm going to cut your heart out with a spoon!"

Robin Hood: "Then it begins!"

...later...

Guy of Gisbourne: "Why a spoon, cousin?  Why not an axe-?"

Sheriff of Nottingham: "Because it's dull, you twit!  It'll hurt more!"

ROBIN HOOD, MEN IN TIGHTS

Head guard: "Where is your king?"

Robin Hood: "King?  King?  And what king would you be talking about?  King Richard?  King Lear?  King Kong?...Larry King?"

Blinken: "I can see!!!! *smashes into a tree* No, I was wrong."

Robin Hood: "Blinken, what are you doing up there?"

Blinken: "I'm guessing...I'm guessing nobody's coming."

Brunhilda: "NOOOOO!  [You aren't married!]  Before you do it, you must go through it!"

Prince John: "And why should the people listen to you?"

Robin Hood: "Because, unlike some other Robin Hoods, I can speak with an English accent."

Robin Hood: "Blinken, listen to me; they've taken the castle!"

Blinken: "I thought it felt a bit drafty.  G'ogh!  This never would have happened if your father was alive."

Robin: "He's dead?"

Blinken: "Yes."

Robin: "And my mother?"

Blinken: "She died of pneumonia while- oh, you were away!"

Robin: "My brothers?"

Blinken: "They were all killed by the plague!"

Robin: "My dog Pongo?"

Blinken: "Run over by a carriage."

Robin: "My goldfish Goldie?"

Blinken: "Eaten by the cat."

Robin: "My cat?"

Blinken: "Choked on the goldfish.  It's good to be home, isn't it Master Robin?"

SHANGHAI NOON

Roy O'Bannon: 

"The sick prisoner routine?  Does that still work in China?  Cuz here it's kinda been done to death."

"Okay, we're just gonna wing it, like we always do."

"You can do it Roy- no you can't, he's gonna kill you!"

"I don't know karate, but I know ca-razy, and I will use it!"

"A duel is a sacred thing.  It's what sets us apart from the animals."

"We're men, we're not piñatas!"

"You've almost killed me like 17 times already. 18, 19, 20. You're on fire today!"

SHREK

Donkey: "Hi, Princess!"

Princess Fiona: "It can talk!"

Shrek: "Oh, yeah!  It's getting him to shut up that's the trick!"

Donkey: "We can stay up late swappin' manly stories, and in the morning, I'm makin' waffles!"

THE SIXTH SENSE

Cole: "I see dead people."

Malcolm: "What do you draw now?"

Cole: "I draw people smiling, dogs running, rainbows.  You don't get parent conferences from drawing rainbows."

SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE

" 'Gunga Din' was not a swatch kind of movie."

SPACEBALLS

Dark Helmet: "What's all that churning and bubbling?  You call this a radar screen?"

Col. Sanders: "No sir, we call it 'Mr. Coffee.'  Care for some?"

Dark Helmet: "Yes, I always drink coffee when I watch radar!"

Barf the Mog (to Lone Star): "Oh, you're right!  And when you're right, you're right.  And you; you're always right!"

Barf: "Hi!"

Princess Vespa: "Who are you?"

Barf: "Barf!"

Dot Matrix the robot: "Not in here, Mr.  This is a Mercedes!"

Radar operator: "Sir, the radar, sir.  It appears to be- jammed!"

Dark Helmet: "Jammed!  Raspberry.  There's only one man who would dare give me the raspberry: Lone Star!"

Lone Star: "What was that?"

Dot Matrix: "That was my virgin alarm.  It's programmed to go off before you do!"

SPIDER MAN

Uncle Ben: "With great power comes great responsibility."

Herman Osborne (looking around Peter's room): "Quite a slob, isn't he?"

Aunt May: "All brilliant men are."

~

SEE THE PUPPET SHOW

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE

Obi-Wan Kenobi: "Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic life form?"

~

SEE THE "PUPPET SHOW"

TOPSY TURVEY

Gilbert: "I would rather spend the afternoon in a Turkish bath with my mother than visit the dratted dentist."

TWISTER

Jo: "I'm making extremely civilized conversation and you're biting my head off."

(Bill drives off the road as they argue.)

Jo: Can I drive?

Bill: No!

Jo: Then will you?!

Melissa: "You told me you used to chase tornados.  Deep down inside I always thought it was a metaphor!"

X-MEN

Logan: *thinks the names are a joke* "Magneto?  Storm? (to Prof. Xavier) What do they call you; 'Wheels?' "

Logan: "So what kind of a name is Rogue?"

Rogue: "I dunno.  What kind of a name is Wolverine?"

Rogue: "The first boy I ever kissed, ended up in a coma for three weeks."

Toad: "Don't you people ever die?"

Storm: "You know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning?  The same thing that happens to everything else."

Logan: "Nice uniforms."

Cyclops: "What would you prefer?  Yellow spandex?"

~

SEE THE "PUPPET SHOW"